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Monster-in-Law

Part 2


Go to part 1.


Charlie: Do you like it?
Kevin: Yeah, it's great. I'm so glad you finally decided to do it.
Charlie: I don't know. I just woke up today and it just felt like home. I'm gonna do all three walls.
Kevin: You know, I think it's time to take a break. (grabs her)
Charlie: Oh, wait! Wait a minute.
Kevin: Whoo, whoo, whoo!
Charlie: I can't let it dry too much.


Charlie (on phone): Charlie and Kevin's house.
Viola (on phone): Oh, I forgot you live there. I, I didn't realize that you had already moved in.
Charlie: Kevin, stop it. I'm on the phone with your mother! (on phone) I'm sorry, Viola.
Viola: The slut's practically fornicating with him!
Ruby: I don't blame her. That boy's a fine piece of ass.
Charlie (on phone): Hold on, Viola. He's... stop it! Right here.
Viola (on phone): Actually, Charlie, the reason I'm calling is I wondered if you'd like to have lunch next week.
Charlie (on phone): Really?
Viola (on phone): How would Tuesday work for you?
Charlie (on phone): Yeah, Tuesday's perfect! Listen, Viola, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now, um, but, but Tuesday's fine.
Viola (on phone): Yeah, me too. Lots to do!
Charlie (on phone): Okay, bye!
Ruby: I'll go get the vodka.


Kevin: She's had an anxiety attack, which can feel like a heart attack. She's gonna be okay. But she definitely needs to take it easy. No stress. She said that you were yelling at her, that you refused her gift and said she couldn't plan our wedding. Tell me that's not true.
Charlie: Well, technically... yes. But, hold on. I didn't yell at her. And she just kept pushing and pushing and pushing. And, okay, I admit it. I snapped -- a little bit. But... I mean... What was I supposed to do? She wouldn't take no for an answer.
Kevin: Come on, look, you know what a hard time she's been having. So she's a little difficult.
Charlie: Difficult? A two-year-old is difficult. She's like... ah!
Kevin: Come on, I'm all... she's all alone. I'm all she's got... we're all she's got. Come on.


Chamberlain: Excuse me. I'm Dr. Chamberlain, the psychiatrist in residence. You Mrs Fields' son?
Kevin: Yes.
Chamberlain: May we speak in private?
Kevin: Actually, this is my fiancée. We can talk. Um, is she okay?
Chamberlain: Well, I just completed your mother's interview and I'm concerned. It's possible that she's on the verge of a psychotic break. I should probably see her at least twice a week, minimum. Also, I prescribed her some anti-anxiety medication. If she starts to feel overwhelmed, they'll relax her. Does she live alone?
Kevin: Uh, yeah.
Chamberlain: Well, I feel it would be best if she were cared for by relatives... people that are closest to her during this time. Just until we're confident that she's out of danger.
Kevin: Alright. Well, thank you, Doctor. (to Charlie) Oh, God. I've got that medical conference. What am I gonna do?
Charlie: You know what? Don't... don't worry about it. Um, I'll take care of her.
Kevin: Thank you. Come on.
Charlie: What?
Kevin: No, come with me.
Charlie: No, no, the doctor said no stress.
Kevin: Charlie, Charlie, come on. Enough already.
Charlie: Kevin, come on.


Viola: I am so sorry.
Kevin: No, Mom, don't be. It's okay, really. Charlie?
Charlie: I'm sorry too, Viola.
Viola: No, I was too pushy.
Charlie: No. You weren't. Look, Viola... I would love it if you would help me with the wedding.
Viola: It's alright, sweetheart, I... I don't really think I'm up to it. My nerves are shot.
Kevin: Mom... Mom, Charlie and I think you should live with us for a while, until you feel better.
Viola: Are you sure? Oh! Oh, I can't possibly. I couldn't.
Kevin: Mom, it's okay. Relax.
Viola: I couldn't possibly. Not unless I know Charlotte's forgiven me. Will you?
Charlie: Me? Yeah, I forgive you.


Charlie: You just put those... anywhere. Hi!
Viola: Hi.
Charlie: Are you feeling better?
Viola: I'm much better, thank you.
Charlie: Great.
Viola: Sweetheart, I'm kind of thirsty. Would you... is the kitchen over there?
Kevin: Yeah, sure.
Viola: Great. Goodbye.
Charlie: Okay.


Charlie: When will you be back?
Kevin: Soon as I can, honey. I promise. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
Charlie: Yeah. I mean, hey, it's only at night, right? And, I mean, she's gonna sleep most of the time with those pills the doctor gave her. Right?
Kevin: Look, I know my mom can be a little challenging. So if you have any problems just call me. I'm on the first flight back, I promise.
Charlie: Okay. Well, hurry home.
Kevin: And who knows? By the time I get back, maybe you two will be best friends.
Viola (entering room): Oh, am I interrupting something?
Kevin: Uh, no, Mom, come in.
Viola: The caterer called. He still thinks I'm doing the wedding. He sent over a sample plate 'cause I gave him the colors you wanted. I said absolutely no peach. And from now on, everything goes through my new daughter.
Charlie: Thank you.
Kevin (on phone): Yeah? Okay, I'll be right down, thanks.
Viola: Oh, here. Look.
Charlie: Oh, it's beautiful, Viola. Thank you.
Viola: Oh, I'm glad you like it.
Charlie: Thanks.
Kevin: My car's here. Gotta go. Bye, Mom. Bye, Mom.
Viola: Oh, bye, sweetie. Oh, it's gonna be fun.
Charlie: Okay.
Viola: We're gonna have such a good time. I'll be a good roommate. I promise.
Charlie: Okay.
Viola: It's so nice to have a girlfriend.


Kevin (on phone): Oh God. I, I'm sorry. You know what? That's, that's probably my fault. I mean, I never thought she'd... I mean, she's a little eccentric, you know? I'm sorry.
Charlie (on phone): Well, it doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about your mom tonight. I want to talk about us. I miss you.
Kevin (on phone): I miss you, too.
Charlie (on phone): Especially now when I'm in the tub... naked and wet... and naked.
Kevin (on phone): Really? Well, do you know what I would do to you if I was there?
Charlie (on phone): What?
Kevin (on phone): Well, for starters...
Viola (entering room): Charlie! I'm not looking. I'm not looking.
Kevin (on phone): Hello?
Viola: I just wanted to return your shampoo.
Charlie (on phone): Your mom just walked in.
Viola: You really should use a shampoo that doesn't dry your hair so much. We don't want a bride with straw under her veil. Oh, is that Kevin?
Charlie: Yeah, it is. (on phone) Oh honey, your mom wants to talk to you.
Viola (on phone): Sweetie, hi.
Kevin (on phone): Hi, Mom.
Viola (on phone): Oh, honey, I can't thank you both enough.
Kevin (on phone): Of course.
Viola (on phone): I'm having the most wonderful time.
Kevin (on phone): How's Charlie?
Viola (on phone): Oh, she's been a doll. We've been girlfriends all week.
Kevin (on phone): Great.
Viola (on phone): I'm gonna be sad to go home. You do? Well, you never know what the future's gonna bring, right? I mean, I do love this neighborhood. In fact, you know, two doors down, there's this house for sale. It's got two big bay windows and a great rose garden. You know how I love rose gardens. And, you know, basically, it's got my name all over it. I'm having my... my... um... real estate guy look into it.


Viola: Uh, there's a reservation under Fields, Kevin.
Waitress: Yes, right this way.
Kevin: I'm so glad my mom and you had a great week.
Charlie: We did. I learned a lot about her.
Kevin: So who's the mystery guest?
Charlie: Oh, surprise!
Viola: I thought your office said we were having lunch alone.
Charlie: Well, I hope you guys forgive me. I just... I wanted to talk to you and Kevin together.
Kevin: So how are you, Mom?
Viola: Fine. Fine. Though I did have a rather difficult night.
Charlie: Ooh, it was probably that martini you had.
Kevin: Mom, you're not supposed to drink alcohol with those pills you're taking.
Charlie: You know, the truth is I owe you an apology. You know, I was so insensitive to your feelings about wanting to help with the wedding.
Viola: Oh, it's ancient history. A young bride doesn't want to hear the opinions of an old widow.
Charlie: No, no, that is not true. I mean, you're going to be my mom soon. And a grandma shortly after, hopefully. And I want you to know that I will do anything it takes to make this relationship work. That said... will you be my maid... I mean, my matron of honor?
Kevin: Charlie, that's... that's amazing. Mom, what do you say?
Viola: But, uh... Morgan is gonna be your maid of honor.
Charlie: Oh, no, she has graciously relinquished her title to you. And I had this specially made up. A dress in your favorite color... peach. Come on, open it.
Viola: Well, that's... Char... ah. I, I don't think I can.
Kevin: Mom, I think it's a great idea.
Viola: No, I just don't think I'm up to it. I really don't. I've got to talk to my doctor.
Charlie: Oh, I called him. Yeah! And he said he thought it was a great idea.


Kevin: Mom... no, Mom. Mom, don't cry. (hands her tissue) Here. (Charlie starts crying) Charlie.
Charlie: I didn't think I would be this emotional.
Kevin: Mom, here. Can I? (takes tissue from Viola) Oh, oh!
Charlie: Oh, thank you, baby. I love you.
Kevin: I love you, too.
Viola: I love you, too!
Kevin: I love you, too, Mom.
Charlie: Kevin, you know what? Why don't you give your mom and I a moment alone?
Kevin: Yes, of course.


Kevin: Hey, are you and my mom okay?
Charlie: Great. Yeah, I just have a little of the pre-wedding nerves, but everything is under control.
Kevin: Of course.


Kevin: Alright, I'm gonna go get a drink.
Charlie: Okay.


Charlie: Honey, would you see who's at the door?
Kevin: Sure. Look who's here. It's Dr. Chamberlain.
Charlie: Oh my God! It's Dr. Chamberlain. Hi! Everybody, it's Dr. Chamberlain!
Chamberlain: Hi. Good evening.


Kevin: Here's your chair, Doctor.
Charlie: Hi.
Kevin: Hi.
(doorbell rings)
Ruby: I'll get it.
Kevin: Are you expecting anyone else?
(Charlie shakes head)
Fiona: Hello, everybody!
Viola: Fiona! I'm so glad to see you.
Fiona: I just couldn't resist bringing the happy couple a little gift.
Viola: That's great. I will get you a place setting.
Kit: She's bringing a gift? I think she is the gift.
Kevin: What the hell is she doing here?


Kavin: No, I get it.
Charlie: No, baby, not now, okay? It's not the time.


Kevin: That's a lot of gravy.
Charlie: Mmm! This gravy's delicious!
Kevin: Baby, are you okay?
Charlie: Kevin, my tongue feels weird. Something's wrong!
Morgan: Charlie, are you okay? Are you alright?
Remy: Get her some water.
Chamberlain: Flat or sparkling?


Kevin: The caterer says he doesn't know how this could have happened.
Charlie: Well, I feel like I ate a loaf of nuts. I mean, even my tongue is swollen. You're marrying a big, fat, puffy tomato mouth.
Kevin: It's not that bad, really. Besides, the swelling's already going down.
Charlie: Yeah?
Kevin: Yeah.
Kit (entering room): Hey, Kev. Just coming to check up on the bride-to-be. For the love of God...
Kevin: Out!
Charlie: You see? I told you it looks terrible. I told you.
Kevin: Baby, I promise you. In 24 hours the swelling will be completely gone.
Charlie: Give me that!


Kevin (greeting guests): Hey. Thanks for coming.


Kevin: Hey, what are you doing here? Don't you know it's bad luck to see the... Charlie, what's wrong? What is it? Are you nervous? Hey.
Charlie: Kevin, I need...
Viola (entering room): Charlie, I need to talk to you.
Charlie: Viola, stop it!
Viola: It's the flower girls. They're drunk again.
Kevin: What?
Viola: Yeah, in the toilet.
Charlie: Not now, Viola, okay?
Viola: It's, it's really important.
Kevin: Just give us a minute. She'll be right there.
Viola: Please?
Kevin: Charlie, what is it?
Charlie: I'll be right back.


Crowd: Go, Kevin and Charlie!
Remy: Yeah!
Kevin: Mom! Do you really think I'd leave without saying goodbye? I love you, Mom. Thanks for everything.
Viola: Go.
Charlie: Okay, everybody! Gather around the back of the car!
Crowd: Charlie! Charlie, right here! Right here, Charlie! Charlie!
(Viola catches flowers)
Gertrude: Sheesh.
Charlie: Oh, Hawaii! I cannot wait!
Kevin: I know. I can't either.
Kit: Bye! Have fun in Hawaii!


Go to part 1.


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