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Kitchen Confidential - "French Fight"


Jack: So how do you French guys get all the women? I mean, granted, you're all very pretty, but you have this attitude, you know, and you don't bathe.
Michel: No, we bathe. We bathe in love, we bathe in wine...I'm joking, we don't bathe.


Jack: We could be brothers. Don't you think we look alike, like the same gait and stuff? It's like we worked together before or something...


Mimi: And the co-opting of our menu items technically constitutes tortious interference with contract.
Michel (not listening)I am sorry, I was focusing on your breasts.


Seth: We sent Mimi on a mission, and he sent her back sullied and defiled.
Jim: And satisfied.
Jack: Jim?
Jim: Yeah?
Jack: Go to your idiot hole!


Michel: Why are you so threatened by me? Is it because maybe you see in me what you hate in yourself?
Jack: Oh no, I don't have an annoying filthy Frenchman in me.
Michel: Everybody's got an annoying filthy Frenchman in them, Jack. Ask your girlfriend.
Jack: She's not my g...Take the lamb off the menu.
Michel: Return my creepy baker, then we'll talk.
Jack (laughs): No!
Michel: OK, then, I guess it is--how you say--on.
Jack (in French accent): It is totally--how you say--on.
Michel: It is on.
Jack: Yes. I said that.
Michel: OK.
Jack: Yeah.
Michel (calling after him): Your cuisine is caca!


Michel: I am finished.
Mimi: Finally. I gotta get ready for dinner service, how about you?
Michel: Somebody stole our Freon compressor, actually. We will be dark tonight. Also, the carpet smells of peepee.


Mimi: You've gone too far this time, Michel. Jim is an innocent kid. You and I are completely over! You get that?
Michel: Mimi...are you wearing a thong?
Mimi: Yes.
Michel: Is it the color we spoke of?
Mimi: Michel, I am not having sex with you on my father's business phone! (pauses) I'll be there in a minute!


Mimi: No! No, no, no, no, no, Michel. This is wrong. I have to take a stand!
Michel: Oh yes, standing is good. Come, I take you against the door!



Mimi: You deported my boyfriend?
Jack: I'm sorry, deported what now?
Mimi: You're sending him back to France!
Jack: He's got a visa. Come on, we don't deport people with visas.
Mimi: Yeah, we do. If they commit tax fraud!
Jim (as everyone laughs and stares incredulously) I did not know about the tax fraud.


Michel: Well, Jack, I must congratulate you on my imprisonment and my upcoming deportation.
Jack: Michel...this went way farther than I meant it to.
Michel: Oh, no, no, maybe I deserve to have my life destroyed. After all, I did make a meat dish in the same manner as you.
Jack: Hey, you know what? You look great in that suit. I hope you enjoy it for the rest of your life.
Michel: Oh, I will get my revenge.
Jack: Yeah? I don't think so. Good luck. (attempts to leave) Did you glue my hand to the phone?
Michel: What? Oh, but not before I had the guard--how you say--hog it down.
Jack: Hey, what does that mean? Guard! What does that mean, hog it down? Do you speak English, what does that mean?!


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