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- Enjoy! The Vartan Hos

Yeah, RIGHT! (Or, the Illogic of "Alias") Alias has always had its logic problems, but some of the ones this season have been laughable and/or downright insulting. Suspension of disbelief? There's not enough rope in the universe to make up for these instances of insane troll logic.


   Sydney, you're alive! So, what's for lunch?

The people in Sydney's life reacted to her miraculous "resurrection" with an inexplicable lack of pleasure or excitement. They thought she was dead for two years, and yet none of the people who love her the most could muster up the interest for a "Welcome back from the dead!" party, or even a heartfelt "Thank God! I'm so happy you're alive! I missed you so much!" Marshall and Carrie seemed the most excited to have her back, and they were the ones who probably knew her least. The way the others reacted, you'd think she just got back from an afternoon Starbucks run for the JTF. When Weiss came back from the hospital after three months, he demanded "sugar" from Syd. Yet when she came back from the DEAD he didn't even give her a handshake, let alone a hug. I know a lot of people come back from the dead on this show, but come on! Where was the honest emotional reaction this event warranted? It was just something else that the fans got short-changed out of this season, and another false note in a season as full of false notes as a pre-school band concert.

   Dixon as the head of the Joint Task Force

We love Dixon. Dixon is cool. Dixon is a great agent. However, none of that changes the fact that he has been working for the real CIA for only two years. Government agencies are most definitely bureaucracies, and nobody who has been with the CIA for only two years -- and who worked for a rogue terrorist organization, albeit inadvertently, for the balance of his career -- would ever, ever, ever be put in charge of a joint task force between two government agencies. EVER!

  Sydney as Sloane's handler

Nobody who knows anything about the history between these two would ever, ever, ever think that this was a good idea. EVER! Only a sadist would force Sydney to work with him again. And Dixon is not a sadist. He knows the history between them all too well. Not to mention the fact that Sydney has no experience as a handler.

  Vaughn's marriage. Duh.

There are a hell of a lot of problems with this sorry excuse for a plot device, but it is completely ridiculous to assert that Vaughn would ever marry the woman who brokered Sloane's pardon and who met with him regularly. He HATES Sloane, and he had to have been suspicious that Sloane was somehow behind Sydney's death. He wouldn't fall for someone who was that close to Sloane. EVER!

   Where's Kendall?

Sure, Irina's absence has been explained satisfactorily off-screen if not on-screen, but last I checked, there were no articles in TV Guide about Terry O'Quinn's contract negotiations. Since Kendall answered Two-Years-Later Sydney's phone call at the end of "The Telling," we know he's still with the CIA. So where are they hiding our favorite cranky assistant director? Unless he and Irina eloped and are off outwitting major intelligence figures, I want Kendall taunting everybody again post haste.

  Bad disguises

Jack posing as Mr. Warner in "Repercussions," attempting to hire Simon Walker for a theft gets my vote for Dumbest. Disguise. Ever. Seriously, this scene almost had me convinced that Jack must have a double, too. The real Spy!Daddy would never be foolish enough to meet with the head of A Crime Team, thinking he wasn't being surveilled, or that Simon wouldn't check his background immediately after they parted. Didn't he learn anything in his 12 years as a double agent? Going in with only glasses and a fake accent was akin to handing Simon his and Syd's real identity on a silver platter.

  Unwitteningly humorous threats

Threats and blackmail lose their impact if they're done to Untouchable Characters. They just make the attackers look unwittingly funny. I'm surprised the threatened parties managed to keep a straight face. In the case of obviously dumb and evil characters like Lindsey or Haladki, this might seem like a textbook scene to establish who's really in charge, but if it's done by a respectable character, and doesn't look threatening, you've just made a fool of them and yourself. I can name at least three scenes where that unfortunate writing occured:
1) Lauren throwing Dixon out of his office in "Prelude." Give me a freaking break! She doesn't have the presence and believability to request something that audacious from such an honest, powerful and loyal man. If they want such scenes to look serious and dramatic, they have to be more considerate of the players they're putting up against each other.
2) Lauren threatening Sydney to request a reassignment in "Repercussions." What, she's like 13, and can't deal with having Syd in the same office as her husband? Do they care about seniority at all? Again, that didn't feel like a threat, but more like the comical relief moment of the ep.
3) It pains me to say it, but Vaughn choking Jack for putting Lauren in danger and threatening to kill him in "Prelude"? That totally deserved the sardonic smile that almost touched Jack's lips. Poor Vaughn. Who's writing him this season? These threats really looked like last straws for otherwise supposedly strong, inventive and capable characters. Where are the real threats of days past like Vaughn roughing up Haladki in "The Box, Part 1," which gave us chills? Even in a comic book, the dramatic portions should not come across as humorous.

  SuperSoldiers

Oh My God, they killed Francie! AGAIN. That may still be funny on "South Park," but if anything was ever unbelievable on "Alias," it's Allison's rapid healing powers. Even Vampire Slayers, the Borg or other sci-fi characters can't regenerate that quickly. Does she even have scars? For a show that made a big point of Sydney covering up her bruises in season 1 and still having that nasty scar on her belly from her missing two years, they sure don't go out of their way explaining how EvilFrancie could have survived. Francie didn't outlive the gunshot wound to the head in "Phase One," so if Allison is her exact copy, how could she have superhuman healing powers? Three gunshot wounds to the chest in "The Telling," another close encounter with a bullet in "The Nemesis," and Will stabbing her to "death" never even slowed her down? Oh, right, something to do with Rambaldi medication. Now there's an omnipresent deus ex machina if you ever need one. Guess we have to deal with another parallel to "The X-Files" with this reappearance of the SuperSoldier, and we all know how that ended.




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