The Safe House - The New VSR

Big Ole Disclaimer: This section is in good fun and not to be taken too literally. Just as we poke fun at the editors in the bloopers section, or at various people/entities in the Penalty Box, this section is meant to find fun from the storylines of the show and the words of the actors and TPTB. We enforce a strict policy toward actor-bashing, but some real-life comments these people make are funny enough, weird enough or sometimes rude enough to warrant some snarking. That also holds true for the things that show up onscreen. Our views on things are just that: OUR views. And our method of coping with things we don't like is just that: OUR method. We don't claim to speak for anyone else. If the Sword of Snarking isn't your thing, the Vartan Hos strongly suggest that you bail on this section and go someplace that is more pleasing to your senses. For instance, pictures of Michael Vartan. We hope that everyone else can get a giggle or two out of this section. We do not condone violence of any kind. We do not respond to flames. Flaming us will only result in our laughing at you. A lot.

- Enjoy! The Vartan Hos

Missed Opportunities
A stray bullet... or fifty. A carbomb. A little Ebola in her Cheerios. We've all dreamed of a number of ways that the end would come for Lauren Reed. In each episode we sadly watch as she manages to stay alive despite numerous opportunities to kill her. If you missed any of these opportunities, don't worry; we've jotted them all down for you here. Don't forget to check out the image at the bottom of the page. : D

The Vartan Hos of the official VHoChat List helped to create the 101 Ways to Kill the Wife List.

Missed Opportunities
title: Succession ep: 3.02	Opportunity: End of ep. Lulu introduces itself to Sydney. · See, the second Syd saw her she could have taken out her gun and shot her in the face. · By inhaling too many hairspray fumes. · By choking to death on her own saliva, which she seems to have a difficult time talking through. · By Syd having a Peter Berg flashback thanks to her speech problems and assassinating her, thinking she's the Snowman. · By driving into on-coming traffic or a retaining wall on her way to work because her eyebrows are so thick she couldn't see through them.
title: Reunion ep: 3.03	Opportunity: Briefing. Lupe and Syd fight about duties. · Sydney could have easily smashed that laptop in Lulu's face. · Dixon could have strangled her with his slideshow wire.
title: A Missing Link ep: 3.04	Opportunity: Syd and Yoko visit an Ebola victim in the hospital. · The man infected with the Covenant's disease could have coughed on her. Opportunity: Loopy and Vaughn get into a fight. · Vaughn could have just shot her right then, sparing us.
title: Reprecussions ep: 3.05	Opportunity: Lulu tells Syd to leave the CIA or she'll have her removed. · Syd could have pulled a "Phase One" and depressurized the plane, jumped out with the only parachute, and left the COW to ride the plane down. Opportunity: Syd and Lupe's driving lesson. · Someone could have T-boned them on the drivers side thus taking out Lupe once and for all. ; )
title: Prelude ep: 3.07	Opportunity: Sark places a bomb in Lupe's car / Holds a gun to her head · Sark could have had a sudden muscle twitch in his trigger finger, or an attack of Tourette's Syndrome. · Sark could have dropped the trigger.
title: Breaking Point ep: 3.08	Opportunity: Cambell hits Lulu. · He could have actually been a cyborg and decapitated her with one blow. Opportunity: Helicopter Escape · The pilot could have banked hard and she could have fallen out the side of it.
title: Conscious ep: 3.09	Opportunity: When Syd had to rough Lucinda up for her cover story. · Jack could have done it instead. One word: Haladki.

Back to the New VSR