The first time I saw this episode I knew, without question, who would be honored: Arvin Sloane. Not only did he murder his bestest friend in the whole wide world, he did this based on nothing more than a surveillance photo shown to him by fellow Alliance Spylord, Poole. Edward Poole. What's worse is he didn't even have the manners to finish listening to his friend gloat over his new grandson. But that clearly was not enough for Uncle Arvin. In an effort to already top his poorly developed murdering manners, he actually had the balls to let his friend see that he was about to 86 his life on planet earth. What a supreme mercenary Arvin Sloane is.

I'm wondering, though. Is this like a guy spy thing? Because seriously I think women would go about killing their best friend totally different. First, they'd spend the day shopping, going to the salon, encouraging one another to try out a new hair style or highlights. They'd get a make-over and absolutely buy some new shoes. Then, the friend who was going to commit murder would encourage the friend who is about to be killed to wear a gorgeous outfit. Seriously she would because no woman deserves to be found dead in a bad looking outfit. After the wardrobe change, they'd have a wonderful lunch or dinner and talk about David Duchovny, Michael Vartan and other men who they'd really like to 'do'. While feasting, the assassin friend would slip the victim friend a mickey without victim friend ever knowing. Or something along that line. Personally, I'm grateful I have a good relationship with all of my home girls and none of us are overly paranoid.

Anyway. Back to Uncle Arvin. This photo that Arvin is shown by Poole is a fake. Like "Duh". Even I could see that. For some one who's in charge of this whole bad-ass SD-6, Sloane was clueless. He might as well be shown a crayola drawing my son drew when he was six. Not once did the fearless leader of Evil and Espionage ever consider the photo might have been doctored. To add insult to injury, Poole didn't hold up his end of a bargain he made based on Uncle Arvin 'taking out' his best friend. Needless to say, Sloane had some major righteous indignation going on with the discovery of these events. What. A. Tool.

But, the Tooldom doesn't end with Sloane. This episode was the grand silage for Jerry Springer, Montel Williams and Oprah combined.

How about that post McCarthy era group called the DSR? I'm positive they were separated from Haladki at birth. I'm also wondering who these people really are because I wanna be on their payroll as an Astrologer. Obviously, they'll believe anything, including a five hundred year old prophecy and will go to great lengths in which to substantiate their non-empirical evidence. Including taking Spy Barbie's top secret double agent status to the Senate Intelligence Committee. Hello. Oxymoron anyone. Whatever.

Lindsay Crouse is apparently in charge of the DSR (The Department of Sanctimonious and Righteous) and we can only hope that she meets a similar fate to the one she experienced on Buffy. Unfortunately, we don't have any Adam creations to take her stupid ass out of this world permanently. Which is too bad because she's sporting the most hideous post-60's 'I'm a natural girl' hair I've ever seen. If anything, she could be a 'hair tool' but I'll leave that for the Fashion Assassin.

Lindsay goes before this Senate Committee and requests they empower her to take Spy Barbie into custody for questioning, based on nothing more than This Old Prophecy and a few physical anomalies. I wonder if this same committee will take my ex-husband into custody and classify him as Omega 17 if I show them his mental and physical anomalies? Anyway, Dr. Lindsay Doom must have blackmailed the Senate Committee with sexual favors because they all acted seriously spooked and gave her immediate authority. After all, what else could get a group of men to act so fast?

The bottom line here is we all know the DSR is a big fraud. There is no DSR and there never will be a DSR. Also, everyone knows that the only people fringe and competent enough to investigate the paranormal is Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Obviously, they're not DSR. They're the MSR - even though Mulder went into hiding earlier this year and left the X-Files in charge with Haladki's twin brother, Rover.

DSR…you're a bunch of Tools.

Spygirl, Vartan Ho # 5