Take this quiz to show me what degree of addiction you've succumbed to.

(1) You spot Michael at a Mall near you, just by accident. Do you...

(a) Stand there frozen, trembling, and unable to say a word before finally losing control of your bladder right in the middle of the Gap.
(b) Confidently saunter up and offer to buy Michael the shirt he's holding in exchange for an autograph.
(c) Emit a squeal piercing enough to shatter every window in the mall, launch yourself onto Michael's back, topple him over the counter at Orange Julius, and smother him with kisses before finally being dragged away kicking and screaming by mall security.

(2) When asking Michael for his autograph, do you say...

(a) "Huh-huh-huh-hi. Umm, ahh, Miii-ichael? Would you... I mean, if I...no, that's stupid. I know I'm an idiot... wow, as if you didn't know that already, but c-c-c-could you... You know what? Never mind. I've decided to kill myself instead."
(b) "Excuse me, Michael, I hate to interrupt you during your prostate exam, but... (pointing at autograph book) would you mind?"
(c) "Hey, you're that CIA pig from 'Alias', ain't ya? All the guys in my cell block think you're mighty tasty. Could you sign my tit and write, "Always your bitch - Love, Michael"?

(3) You are Michael's #1 fan! But when a friend sees his picture, she says 'He's ugly. Justin Timberlake is sooooo much hotter...'. Do you...

(a) Say 'Bye Bye Bye', as you shove the car trunk she's gagged and tied in over a cliff.
(b) Say, "Well... that's your opinion," before sneaking into her house and pissing on her N'Sync albums.
(b) Write a tearful letter to Michael informing him how horrible and childish some people can be, and proving your undying love by carving his name into your thigh.

(4) Omigod. It's Michael's b-day! What should I get him?

(a) A tasteful card.
(b) A friendship collage I spent two weeks constructing.
(c) A bouquet of flowers, which I present to him after surprising him in his driveway by jumping off the top of his garage, where I've been hiding all night!

(5) Your dream has finally come true! After being his biggest fan since his first movie, Michael Vartan is about to kiss you! This is the happiest... hold on. You forgot about your active herpes sore! Do you...

(a) Turn your lips discreetly aside, while your heart breaks.
(b) Say, "Sorry, Mike. I got the herp. See you in a week!"
(c) Kiss him, kiss him, over and over again! Now that he has herpes, too, he belongs to you and you alone!

Now that you've taken the official Vartan-aholic exam, only you can make the desicion if you need help or not.

I'll pray for you.

Kate, Vartan Ho #1

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