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Run By Monkeys? -- ABC Promotional Department #2
By Souris, Vartan Ho #4
Posted September 22, 2002
Apparently, the ABC promo department didn't hire any nonprimates over the
summer. They're up to their old monkey tricks. This time, they're hyping
the Vaughn/Sydney/Will triangle out their little monkey butts.
The "triangle hotter than General Hospital" ad they ran during that
particular afternoon soap opera was bad enough. But now ABC has spent a TON
of money to buy "Alias" ads in the Enquirer and the Star with
the text: "One woman. Two men. Love is still the greatest adventure." Let
me repeat the names of those fine publications: the Enquirer and the
Star.
OK, I'll get to that aspect of the issue in a minute. But let's take
on the triangle aspect first, shall we?
This is the most insulting, obnoxious, sickening ad campaign that I could
possibly think of for them to do for this show. This is what they're
using to draw viewers? This is what they want the show to be known
for? A tired, unpopular, uncreative, widely derided, butt-of-jokes,
Felicity-retread cliche that is helping drive viewers away from daytime
soap operas by the millions and that a large proportion of current "Alias"
fans online have expressed disgust with?
Are the monkeys on crack, too?
I would be less offended were they to run an ad campaign focusing on
Jennifer Garner's breasts. Even as a heterosexual woman with feminist
tendencies, I at least recognize that such tactics sell. This tactic
just makes no sense.
Clearly they're trying to appeal to a certain segment of the audience with
these ads: readers of the Enquirer and the Star. I don't know
the actual demographics there, but I'm guessing it's probably predominantly
women. So they're trying to attract women. Um, hello, have you looked at
Michael Vartan lately? OK, yeah, he's in the ad, but I'm thinking, focus on
him, and you run a pretty damn good chance of attracting those female
viewers. He's done a fine job of attracting the female viewers you already
have, without even using him as a lure. (Or even paying much attention to
him at all, if truth be told.)
And the thing is, they could just as easily have targeted this particular
audience -- and much more effectively, I might add -- with a "forbidden
love" campaign featuring Sydney and Vaughn. There are just not a lot of
people who are active "triangle" fans, who go around seeking out shows with
love triangles in them, saying, "Oooh, a triangle, that's some good stuff,
I wanna watch me some of that." I don't know why producers and advertisers
think that triangles appeal to viewers. When I watched soap operas in high
school and college, the fans hatedthe triangles. Loved the
supercouples, hated the triangles that kept the supercouples apart. From
what I can see, this still holds true. Have you ever heard of anyone
actively requesting a triangle in a show they watch? I sure haven't.
However, there are are a significant amount of people who enjoy a
good romance and who seek out romantic stories. Romance novels make up a
HUGE portion of the fiction market in this country. And how many of those
romance novels feature triangles? Very few. Do you ever see romance covers
with three people on them? The stories are almost exclusively focused on
one man and one woman and the crap they have to go through to be together.
The ABC promo department could have played that aspect to the hilt
with Sydney and Vaughn, a couple that is already wildly popular among
current viewers and that has complications aplenty to keep things
interesting.
But they didn't. They focused on the triangle instead. Which creates the
expectation that this is a big part of the show. It MUST be a big part of
the show if they're spending thousands and thousands of dollars to tout it,
right? Which creates the stomach-turning expectation that this is indeed
going to be a big part of the show.
That concept is sickening. Is J.J. Abrams not talented and creative
enough that he can avoid blatantly ripping off the dynamics of his only
other television show, "Felicity," a dynamic that personally drove me from
that show in disgust after two seasons and which left a significant amount
of its fanbase pissed off at any given moment? It's what that show was
known for -- almost exclusively, in fact (with the possible exception of
Keri Russell's hair). I'm beginning to wonder if he loves triangles so much
that he gets out of his car to hug Yield signs.
And why are they so actively pursuing this tabloid-reading segment of the
audience, anyway? Are they just giving up and consigning the more
sophisticated audience (which includes now-showless former "X-Files" fans)
to intelligent timeslot competitors "The Sopranos" and "Law & Order:
Criminal Intent"? We already know they're dumbing down the storylines and
the plot complexities this season. Do they want to actually be the
network version of "V.I.P." instead of an Emmy-nominated series that
garners critical and industry respect? (Dick Wolf excepted, of course.) Do
they want to be known as a silly, low-brow cartoon? Is this how ABC
plans to rebuild its image and its network from the ashes of too much
"Millionaire" and not enough creativity?
I hope beyond hope that J.J. Abrams didn't sign off on this misbegotten ad
campaign. Given that he's such a hands-on producer, however, that hope is
pretty slim. But that's the only possibility that would give me anything
but dread for the future of this series.
ABC promo department, you are run by monkeys! On crack.
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