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The Fashion Assassin
Target: Salvation
This episode brought to you by: Sara Lee
The No. 1 provider of sweet dreams to sweet-toothed spies sleeping near
their sweeties.
Not since "Top Gun" have sunglasses been used to such heart-stopping
effect. I know why Sydney needed hers -- looking directly at the solar heat
of Michael Vaughn would have scorched her retinas. Although if one were to
have an image burned into their vision, I think that would be the one to
choose.
Upswept!Hairdo Syd has on some serious heels. I'm sure she could stab a guy
to death with them.
Every time Syd goes jogging in her tight tank tops, it's obvious that the
woman has zero body fat.
Hamburger outfits are an entirely separate category of fashion
assassination, one that has to be tried by the United Nations for
international crimes against humanity. But would you eat at a restaurant
touted by someone with that hair?
Those Southern drawls are so big, I think Jack and Syd would have had to
check them in as luggage if they hadn't had a private plane. If Jack's
drawl didn't scream "American," his outfit would: red tie,white collar,
blue shirt and American-flag lapel pin. Chanel-suit Sydney might as well be
wearing a "Miss Southern Belle Cliche" sash. I hope she makes it back to
the Alpha Delta Kappa Beta Pi rush party before all the mint juleps are
gone.
Somebody needs to tell the costume department that they need to go down a
size or two on Vaughn's white T-shirts. Or wash them in hot water.
Repeatedly. Still, [understatement]it's a good look for
him[/understatement].
Nice boots, Syd. Not sure why we zoomed in on them. Maybe the director has
a foot fetish.
Aww, isn't Syd so cute in her chauffeur outfit?
OK, Vaughn's sexy white T-shirt has been completely forgotten in favor of
his even sexier black tank top. Where do I send the fruit basket to thank
the costume department? Fashion Assassin is sorry, but she is going to have
to cut this assassination short before the drool in her keyboard causes her
to be electrocuted.
Wig count: 1 blonde, 0 brunette, 0 redhead.
--By Souris, Vartan Ho #4
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