Facade

Episode Number: 3.15

Original Air Date: March 14, 2004

Written By: Um, 2 guys...

Last time on Alias: Vaughn's still in love with Sydney. That's all you'll ever need to know.

*Boom* Kate's head explodes. Okay, I have to admit... this episode rocked. Well, as much as an Alias episode can rock these days. Best ep of the season by far. Maybe I'm just being biased because there was a lot of MV and he looked So. Damn. Good. With the leather. Leather, people! Black turtleneck. For the Love of God! And THAT would be why this is a Michael Vartan site over anything else. And his hair was all spiky... he looked fiiiiiine. Seriously... he was beautiful. And when MV looks this good, the plot just drifts away and becomes so much less important.

Oh! And then, with the camel coat, glasses and checkered shirt... Man. And he was proactive for the first time all season. And no wedding ring for the entire ep... even when he wasn't undercover. Which was nice cause it's the first time all season they haven't made Vaughn look like a moron at some point in the episode by rubbing Lauren in his, and our, faces.

::Sniff, sniff:: And is that, continuity I smell? Maybe just a little.

But mostly? Hot!Vaughn working on bombs and giving Sark the smackdown. And at the end, he was wearing this long black pea coat and a dark blue collared shirt and black pants. And this great song was playing as he hugged Syd. Yeah.

Oh yeah, so anyway, bad guy, bomb, yadda, yadda, yadda. But more importantly, Vaughn is in full-on spy gear - which is really all you need to concern yourselves with. Suddenly we flash forward to a building in Belfast being evacuated. There a bomb.. again. These two Irish guys are trying to disable it. Just as they're about to cut the red wire, we cut to Dixon going over images of that very same building having been blown to bits. Guess it wasn't the right wire, huh? It's kind of sad- that Irish guy was kind of hot.

Anyway, we learn that the bomb can't be diffused and there's yet another bomb about to go off in the US. Weiss is like, "Hey, I'm in this episode! Weee!"

Lauren is missing again. Which is fine by me. Everyone knows that the evil undead shouldn't be in the sunlight for too long anyway. So now she only comes out of her hole to do evil. Of course, Weiss is the only one that notices.

Sydney talks to Griffin Dunne-with-a-bad-accent for information on Daniel Ryan, the bomb maker. The gangly-looking Griffen looks like he was finally hit with some shampoo, yet the shaving cream and razor are still MIA. Weiss got tired of just sitting in for debriefings and was starting to get nervous that he'd be joining me and Dixon at one of our vodka-induced luaus. So he goes to arrest Ryan at a pub.

Syd, in disguise, shoots Weiss in front of Ryan to gain his trust, and pretends to be an interested buyer. Ryan is then sedated. Weiss gets up once Ryan is knocked out. This incredibly ridiculous scheme is hatched that I won't bother to detail here, but Vaughn suggests they just sick Jack on Ryan and call it a day. I agree. But no- that would be just a little too rational for our CIA friends.

So Ryan wakes up in what he thinks is a hotel room when it's just a room in the CIA HQ's in LA. Alas, all that work was for naught because like 10 minutes later in the episode they tell him they're CIA anyway. Oy vey. You see where our taxpayer dollars go???

Anyway, before all that happens, Ryan agrees to work only with Sark. So Vaughn goes in posing as our very own Julian. And here's where we get the best part of the entire season, folks. Seriously y'all...Michael Vartan looked so good in that black leather jacket and black turtleneck that I don't think I was able to blink for like 5 minutes. Then he had that whole British accent thing... HOLY!

::Kate flinches:: Sorry. I'm still traumatized from the past few episodes and I'm worried. Every time we get boxers!Vaughn or a hot!Vaughn in any way lately, Lauren comes walking in in her freaking underwear. So I'm cautious. I've got my hand up and ready to cover my eyes if need be. The deal goes down. Vaughn is to meet some contact of Ryan's on a plane.

So "Sark" boards the plane. And again with the HOLY! Camel jacket, glasses... just yum. ::Sigh:: But alas, Ryan does a double cross. The 2nd bomb is on the plane. Okay, this Ryan guy is pissing me off now. He's trying to kill my Michael and that is just unacceptable.

Not only that, but the real Sark is also on the plane. So we'll end up losing 2 of hottest guys in the CIA world. So Syd contacts Sloane who's doing very bad things with Scary Hair.

As they try to find out more about Ryan, Syd sees a pic of Ryan's brother and recognizes him as the man she killed for the Covenant as a test of her worth. Ryan thinks Sark had his brother killed and he's out for revenge. So Syd tells him that they're CIA, not Covenant. The bomb will kill Vaughn. In an effort to try and reach out to him, she tells him that the Covenant made her suffer too. She tells him about being Julia Thorne. But Ryan knows Julia Thorne is the woman that killed his brother. He double crosses them again and sets not only the bomb on the plane to go off, but the one Marshall has in his office as well. He gives Vaughn the wrong code to diffuse the bomb. So Vaughn and Sark work together to quickly diffuse the bomb on the plane. You just know through the entire thing, Sark was thinking, "I know something you don't know...and I'm sleeping with your wife."

So Jack finally says, "The Hell with this shit!" and begins choking Ryan. He kills him, only to bring him back to life a few seconds later. He threatens Ryan that he'll continue to kill him and bring him back over and over until he disables the bomb. Ryan, realizing that Jack is not the man with whom to mess with, agrees and disables the bomb just in time.

When it's all over, Sark attacks Vaughn. He's obviously just jealous of how hot Vaughn looks. But Vaughn is like, "Bitch, please!" and gives Sark a major smackdown. Sark fights like a 5-year old.

Que the weepy, pretty, sad song as Syd goes into the parking garage. She begins crying and breaks down. She's tired and has been worried about the man she loves. Vaughn then pulls up beside her. And again with the Holy, Holy, Holy!! He's wearing this blue collared shirt with black pants and a black pea-coat. Just... yeah. Isn't there some award we can give the costume department for this episode? The Vartan Ho Award of Merit for the Most Delicious Hottness.

Oh yeah, so Syd is crying and Vaughn gets out of his car and goes to hug her immediately. Syd lets out this relieved cry and hugs him tightly. Just as it should be. Al together now... Awwww.

On an additional note, this will be the last episode summary done here at the Safe House. I've had a lot of fun writing these debriefings for you all! I really hope no one will make misinformed assumptions as to why I've decided to discontinue these. It isn't because we're "taking ourselves too seriously"- it's exactly the opposite! We don't take the show that seriously and never did (which was why we decided to cut back on Alias news). It's always been in good fun. But we really want to focus more on Michael and give Alias the same amount of attention we give his other projects. I'm also not discontinuing because I hate the show-- I don't hate the show. It's become really boring for me, but I could never hate it. It's a part of Michael and, therefore, a part of our site. We're also really busy on redesigning the site, so that's taking up lots of time. I hope everyone comes back and rereads the old ones, and remember to visit Regina at TWoP and the Two Evil Monks for more great recaps.

I deeply appreciate everyone that has written in with praise and support over the last season. I've had a lot of fun, and I'm so glad that most of you found the humor in them that was always intended. I snark because I love (well, except lately) and I love you all too! Muchos Gracias!
- Kate, Vartan Ho #1