Remnants

Episode Number: 3.10

Original Air Date: Dec. 07, 2003

Written By: Written by Jeff Pinkner

Last week on Alias: Vaughn's still in love with Sydney. That's all you need to know.

"Oh my God..." It's Will eating cereal. Woo. ah... Hoo. Yeah. What a shocker. ::rollseyes:: Although I do love me some Bradley Cooper so just seeing him eat corn flakes is fine with me.

Sloane's got normal glasses on for a change. Much more evil and sinister. Good Sloane. Glad to see he's taking my fashion advice. Sloane meets with Vaughn and Jack to go over the exchange plan again, and Vaughn threatens Sloane, telling him if anything happens to Sydney because of him, he'll kill him. Oooo. I love me some threatening Vaughn. Mmm. Yummy. Our newest Vartan Ho tells Vaughn, "Don't worry; I love her too." Yeah, Sloane rocks all over the place.

Sydney visits Will in hopes that he'll have info on her of what happened that night. Will is in complete shock; he thought Sydney had died 2 years ago. I guess no one bothered to tell him she was alive. He pulls a gun on her, thinking she's a double. Will has issues; he's very untrusting. She tells him a story only she could know, proving she isn't a double. Will puts the gun down and Sydney grabs it. They hug. It's very sweet. Awww.

Meanwhile, Sark, looking very Neo-slash-Mr. Smith, kills Doctor Pothead. Dr. Pothead reminds me of Towlie from South Park. I swear if Sark had just offered him a big joint, he would have talked a lot sooner. Lord knows where Trippy went. She's probably off hugging a tree or something.

According to the latest Spy Codes of Conduct, it's totally fine to discuss top secret information with an old friend in a very public place. Might as well kiss Will good-bye now - he's dead. Anyway, Syd and Will reminisce about dead girlfriends, clones and getting stabbed in the ribs. You know, the good times. Syd tells Will that Allison is still alive. Will gets very serious and tells Syd he'd be more than happy to kill her. Syd asks him if St. Aidan means anything to him. St. Aidan turns out to be his old CIA contact (since when was Will able to make CIA assets?? He was a freaking desk jockey man!). Will contacts him again.

Vaughn and Jack get back to Assmole's office. Assmole threatens Syd in a threat -but not threat- way. God this guy is just the best actor on the planet because I hate him with a passion.

Now this next scene is pretty much the hottest thing I've seen all season. I can't even tell you the giddy happiness I felt watching this. Assmole says something snarky, and Jack looks at him with this slow motion death-look, then Jack KNOCKS HIS ASS OUT! I mean BAAM! Right across the face. Hell. Yeah.

Welcome back Jack, welcome back.

Will meets up with St. Aidan- it's Lazeray, stumpy hand and all. Can I just say he's extremely creepy looking? I mean Cryptkeeper-like. Let's just say Sark's mother must have been unbelievably beautiful to have a son that looks like Sark. She also had to be completely blind in order to conceive him with the Cryptkeeper-stumpy dude.

Stumpy freaks out at the mention of Julia's name. Will keeps trying to question him but he freaks out and is about to leave. Sark comes speeding up in a car and takes Stumpy along with him. Sark shoots at Syd and Will, but they get away.

Hmm. This ep rocks so far. There seems to be no foul stench of COW lurking about. I've yet to see anything Not!Blonde and horse-like. How refreshing!

Syd and Will are getting drunk. Syd tells him how depressed and alone she is. They hug. Hey... wha... wait. No! NO! What the hell?! Oh. Come. On! My Eyes! They were just starting to heal dammit!! NOOooooo. Make it stop. Oh the humanity! Where the Rambaldi memory-eraser when you really need it???? Please someone...

Hot Italian Sniper, Hot Italian Sniper! Thank God. We will never speak of that incident again, do you understand. Ever. Freakin' Willage!

Hot Italian Sniper is setting up a hit on Sydney with Sloane per Assmole's orders. Sloane has something up his sleeve though; he's way too cool about this.

Sark tortures Daddy-Stump for not giving him enough hugs when he was a kid. Stumpy offers to get him a Hokey-Pokey Elmo for Christmas as his apology for the child abuse. Sark thinks about it, cause he really wanted that Hokey-Pokey Elmo, but decides against it. Taking a blowtorch to the face means never having to say your sorry.

Syd and Will are sitting in the hotel room... completely innocent I tell you! Not doing anything at all. Shut up... and Syd wonders if Julia had a safety deposit box hidden anywhere. She finds it in a hotel vault. So she and Willage dress up as rock stars to get into the hotel.

Willage using an Australian accent: priceless. I love a man who can admit his accent is bad. You know, Austrailian, but British. But, you know, not. Hahahahaa, great in-joke, if that was the intention. It was really one of the funniest exchanges I've seen on Alias in a really long time.

They get to the box, but Sark gets to it first. Sydney goes off to fight Sark, and Will finds the Francinator. They have some unfinished business. Sark fight's like a momma's boy so his ass was beat down in about a half a second. Syd grabs the box.

Francinator fights Will. it's pretty awesome. Seeing Will fight like a man instead of screaming like a little girl was a nice change. He takes out a lot of his frustrations. "This is for Francie," Will says, stabbing Francinator in the chest.

Okay, did Syd not learn from last time: she can't die that way! What kind of CIA spy is she??

Jack and Vaughn have both been arrested. It's actually really funny seeing them all handcuffed together. These two are going to become best friends. Jack warns Vaughn to stop treating Sydney so nicely because it's torturing her. If Vaughn really cares about Sydney, he'd treat her badly just so she can move on. Shut up Jack.

Sloane contacts Sydney and tells her that Jack and Vaughn have both been arrested. Because I have a new love for Sloane I have to talk about his brilliance. They make the exchange but it's Assmole that Sloane told Hot Italian Sniper to kill. Hahahah and Assmole paid for it. Sloane rocks. It's all about the Sloane.

Syd's back at the CIA along with Jack, Vaughn and Dixon. Vaughn takes Jack's advice and gives Syd a bit of a cold shoulder. Syd and Will say good-bye.

This ep rocked. If it hadn't been for the Evil Incident That Did Not Happen and We Shall Never Speak Of, this ep would have been one of the best of the season for me. Most importantly...no COW!!! Wow how great! Good Jeff Pinker....goooood.