Repercussions

Episode Number: 3.05

Original Air Date: Oct. 26, 2003

Written By: Jesse Alexander

I managed to tear myself away from my VH1 "80s Strikes Back"- induced coma to do this summary. But it's times like these that I wish I still had my Care Bear Stare to wish certain plotlines away.

As usual, we get our ridiculously long recap, before hitting the action. Syd is doing her best Run Lola Run to get to a pay phone and call Jack. She tells him what happened and tells him to get to Vaughn right away. Jack is beginning to freak me out by calling Syd 'sweetheart' all the time. I love the closeness, honestly. I was the first one to want some good Syd-Jack bonding. But really- it's disturbing.

Anyway, Syd is going to steal back the weapons from the Lost Soprano but, alas, he's already sold them to the Covenant. Syd tells him to keep in touch, that way she can keep getting intel from him. Weiss gets to Vaughn and Syd gets to the hospital to see him. Lassie barks at Syd when she finds out it was she who stabbed him. Syd tries to explain that she was saving his life. But no, no, Laverne won't hear of it. Instead of saying, "Hey, thanks for trying to save my husband's life under incredibly difficult circumstances," she says, "How could you?" in that accent-but-not-accent of hers.

Back at Carl Lumbly's half a second of screentime, Dixon sends Lula and Syd to see Sloane for more intel on the Covenant and the uber-virus. Jack tells Syd he'll make a fake deal with the Lost Soprano in order to gain more info out of him about 'Julia'. On Air-UST, or in this case it's Air-Awkward and Angry, Lupé tells Syd she either transfers to another field office or she'll have Syd removed herself. Ooooo. Syd is trying to take into consideration that the woman's husband is in the hospital, so she's acting rashly.

Back in CIA-land, Jack meets with the Lost Soprano. In an effort to make the show even more soap opera-ish, we find out Julia's last name is Thorne. Riiiight. Does she have an evil twin as well? How about a brain tumor? Good lord people. Back on As the Stomach Turns... Jack makes the Lost Soprano an offer for a job. Lost Soprano says he'll think about it. At Sloane's office, he's attacked and kidnapped by the guy from Amistad. While Loretta falls to the ground like a little baby, Syd starts shooting. Lassie fetches the car. Good girl!! "I was cross-trained at the Farm." Hmm, someone's seen The Recruit one too many times. And I should be applauded for my self-control because I could tell a great COW joke right now. It's would be so easy... Must. Not. Give in....

They chase after the Kingpin and get shot at a lot. Like some sort of driving school lesson from Hell, Syd plays side-seat driver and instructs Lola how to properly drive in a good car chase. Liona seems to really be enjoying herself. Wee! Gosh J.J., you were absolutely right! I just love her so much now! She smiles in dangerous situations. She's soooo super-duper cool. ::sarcasm bunny:: Later, we're introduced to another character whose name isn't important enough for me to remember, also called the 'Kingpin'. He's holding a beaten Sloane. He tells him this really sweet tale about his mother being raped and tortured and his brother having his arms chopped off. Yeah, good times. "Imagine your mother being raped..." he tells Sloane. Obviously, this man hasn't had the pleasure of meeting Sloane before. He'd know that Sloane's not equipped with an emotion-chip, so this sweet story won't effect him in the least. In fact, Sloane was probably the guy that raped his mother. Back at the CIA, Lambchop sort of apologizes to Syd and takes back her threat. Syd looks at her like, "Oh sweetie, you don't think I took that sorry excuse for a threat seriously now do you? Aww, you're so cute."

Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for, despite knowing better. Vaughn and Syd are in the hospital. She apologizes for stabbing him. She has tears in his eyes. He holds her cheek and she kisses his hand. She tells him she really misses him, and he tells her he misses her too. They kiss. See, THAT is real chemistry! But alas, Vaughn wakes up and sees his first wife. Dream sequence. Yeah. Just kick us while we're down why don't'cha?? Anyway, he's very shaken by this dream. "Do you remember me?" She asks. "Of course," he says. You idiot!! You had this perfect opportunity to just forget the whole thing. Dammit!

Sidebar- catch It's All Relative on Wednesday with Victor Garber guest starring. Holy crap that's going to be funny.

Sloane is let go by the Kingpin and Syd and Loony have a meeting with him. He tells them that he has the opportunity to work for the Kingpin and become a double agent, reporting back to the CIA all he learns. Well isn't that special? It really is a circle of life. Of course, I can't see Sloane pulling off the blue rubber dresses. Syd basically wants to rip her hair out at the obvious evil that Sloane is doing and no one else seems to be seeing.

Back at the CIA, Marshall is getting ready to go on a mission with Syd to read some computer code. Marshall with a mullet: Holy Christ on a cracker. Tee hee!!! Meanwhile, Jack is made as CIA by Sark- who's in league with the Lost Soprano. But more importantly Sark informs him that Sydney is Jack's daughter-- who is also CIA. Uh oh! Upon finding this out, the Lost Soprano tells Jack that "Julia" was some sort of deviant sex queen. And Jack seems so happy to hear about it. About as happy as I was to hear about it. He's trying to piss him off. Apparently it worked cause Jack shot him. Twice. And I'm pretty sure the second time was in the groin. Jack rules.

Back on Syd and Marshall's mission, the pair are wearing the Worst. Disguises. Ever. Just...wrong. Syd looks like something out of a bad Whitesnake video. Marshall looks like the Monopoly guy and J.R. Ewing had a kid...and then peed on it. But seeing Marshall smack Syd on the butt - priceless. Sark and Kingpin enter the casino just as Marshall is downloading the evil uber-virus code. He manages to disable the virus just in time. Back in the hospital, Weiss is telling an embarrassing date story to lighten the mood in Vaughn's hospital room as Syd, Vaughn and Loki listen on. He's such a teddy bear. He and Sydney leave in order to give Vaughn some rest. Syd forgets her jacket, but stops before reentering the hospital room. She sees Vaughn and his first wife cuddling on the bed.

Frightening. Care Bear Stare--- make it stop!!!