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The Empire Blog
December 5, 2007
The Art of the Clinch
By Helen O'Hara
I run the risk here of making myself sound like the sad, pathetic loserish type who sits at home in PJs singing All By Myself into a hairbrush, consoling herself with the fact that at least my PJs are slightly more stylish than Bridget Jones' (ha! And I have better hair) and thinking too hard about Hollywood hunks. But journalistic dedication leads me to nevertheless ask the question - are there any men in real life who behave like their film counterparts - and in particular, are there any who do a move I'm going to refer to as the S.S.S.S. Clinch?
The S.S.S.S. Clinch(that sounds a bit Nazi-ish; I gotta get a better name for it) is the step-swoop-scoop-snog style of kiss practised by practically all male romantic leads and practically no actual human beings. It happens in the following circumstances: after hating each other / being attracted to each other but kept apart by a cruel world for practically the whole film, male and female lead find some alone time and she, suddenly nervous, either blithers away about nothing or tries to run off - whereupon he, in manly, commanding style, steps fast to intercept her, swoops down, scoops her up in his arms and soundly kisses her.
Clark Gable practically built his career on this variation on the basic clinch (other old Hollywood stars crucially left out the quick step first, starting off in close proximity to their prey and just bending her in towards them, which is practically cheating and certainly less fun) and virtually all the successful leading men since have nailed some variation on it. Recently James McAvoy has revealed himself as a master of the technique in no less than four films by my count - Becoming Jane, Last King of Scotland, Atonement and the upcoming Penelope. Those wondering why so many women find the short, slightly wonky-faced McAvoy so incredibly attractive would do well to watch the above and take note of his superlative grasp of the move. Other good ones in recent years include Hugh Jackman in Someone Like You (or you may know it as Animal Attraction), Colin Firth in Bridget Jones and Michael Vartan in Never Been Kissed. Any other examples leap out at you?
But what I really want to know is this: has anyone done this in real life? Has anyone been on the receiving end of one of these clinches in a situation not involving acting? Is this one of those things, like outrunning explosions or car chases or George Clooney, that only happens in movies? It strikes me that the modern woman needs an answer to this, so we can raise / lower our expectations accordingly.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need another tub of ice cream and a fresh face pack.
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